Slime…for the Cyclist


Today I was introduced to Slime. Bright, neon green wet slime. In real life. For my bike.

Go ahead, read that first line again.


Green slime is not something I can confess to having had much experience of during my life – my encounters being limited to Goosebumps novels, Teenage Ninja Turtles and Dr Dreadful board games. Understandably, real life green slime incidents have been a rare occurrence.

Until now.

Turns out that slime is actually a cyclist’s secret weapon and hopefully my new best friend.

Looks like this:

I wasn’t 5 minutes up the road (4.37 to be exact…) on my bike today when I hit a gnarly patch along a town road and boom, puncture. But I had equipped my bike with a snazzy new Top Peak pump, tyre levers and a spare tube since my last puncture so I thought “Okay this sucks, but no, no – this is a perfect opportunity for me to have a real go at changing a bike tube on the side of the road away from all other help. So let’s go!”

I flipped over the bike, pulled out all my gear, detached the wheel and got my tyre levers stuck in and ready to go. Snap. Oh crap, there goes one tyre lever. But it’s ok, I still have one good one – maybe if I can just use something else as a wedge and do all the work with the other tyre lever I’ll be grand. Yep, I got this.

Snap. Oh crap, there goes the other tyre lever.

Here’s the thing – I really was up for changing the tube and doing it all roadside but when both tyre levers (plastic tyre levers, for the record, are rubbish – you’re wasting your time cycling about with these in your pouch – you need to get metal ones or else they’ll just break) broke, I had no option but become the stereotypical daughter and ring Daddy to come and rescue me… I apologise to female kind worldwide.

However, I think it’s important to point out that on returning home, I did do all repairs myself, together with the able assistance of a few teaspoons from the kitchen drawer. I hit a wall however, when I couldn’t get the new tube to pump up after I had changed it. I tried 2 different pumps but nothing was working, so I toddled off down to the bike shop, rear wheel under my arm and asked the resident bike expert to help me out, whereupon she told me about….

Slime. 6 euro, 2 year guarantee and no punctures for 2 years.


Essentially, green slime is poured around the inside of the bike tube and when you get a puncture, the air pressure of the punctured area causes the microfibres in the slime to move to the punctured area, which build up to form a seal. The tyre may deflate when you initially get the puncture, but instead of having to change the tube, you simply pump up the “punctured” one still on the bike – and it should re-inflate and be perfectly good to go again. The slime sealant should work repeatedly to repair new and existing punctures for up to 2 years AND there is even a 2 year guarantee.

WHATTTTT? You mean to tell me I could NEVER have to change a punctured tyre again for 2 years????? 

You should have seen the slime smile on my face. That may well be one of the happiest moments of my life.

If it works.

I’m not very trusting when it comes to…. okay, no, I’m just not very trusting. So I remain very sceptical about whether this slime stuff will actually work. But if it does, Slime may well become my new religion. There will be praying, there will be singing and by god there will be dancing.

Now I think I might WANT a puncture just to see if it will work… No, actually I still really don’t want a puncture. Really, really don’t. Really really REALLY don’t. Particularly when I’m cycling to work. Scary face.

Review on slime to follow when and if I get a puncture in the next 2 years… let’s hope we don’t have to go there!

P.S. I ate a whole bag of Revels and watched Orange is the New Black instead of going for a bike ride today #ConfessionOfTheDay


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